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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27008389">Being human</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyBakerstreetBoys/pseuds/MyBakerstreetBoys'>MyBakerstreetBoys</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sherlock (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Feelings, Fighting, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Sad Sherlock, argument</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:40:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,186</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27008389</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyBakerstreetBoys/pseuds/MyBakerstreetBoys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Sherlock are having their usual argument about sentiment again, after Sherlock showed no sympathy at all at a crime scene. However, this time the events take an unforseen turn as hidden feelings surface and both of them have to leave their fears behind to finally make the next step together. Some angst, lots of uncertainties, and fluff to heal your soul!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sherlock Holmes &amp; John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>101</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Being human</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>'I imagine John Watson thinks love's a mystery to me ...' - Sherlock Holmes (ASiB)<em></em></em>
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<p>
  <em>
    <em>John was furious. He and Sherlock had just came home from another very emotional case and like always the consulting detective was not showing at least any kind of compassion. John knew that by now he shouldn't be bothered by that. Sherlock had never shown particular interest in revealing his emotions or making the 'mistake' of caring for someone. No, he just put on his usual cold mask of indifference and arrogance. So John decided that he had enough of that shit. Sherlock was a living, breathing man, goddamnit, and John knew very well that he had to have a heart hidden underneath all his sociopathic persona that he put up for the public.</em>
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    <em>"Are you going to say something about it or do you prefer to swallow it down? It's getting annoying", Sherlock suddenly asked, turning to face John as he flopped down on the sofa. </em>
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    <em>"What?"</em>
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    <em>Sherlock rolled his eyes. "Your anger, of course. You're showing clear signs of frustration. Your jaw is clenched, you have been quit for over half an hour now, which is unusual considering your normal behaviour after a case, you didn't laugh at any of Lestrade's stupid jokes as you normally would, ignored Mrs. Hudson as we entered the flat, and you didn't even make tea even though you usually do that about two minutes after we come home on almost every day and now we're at nearly seven minutes after we came here, in which you - "</em>
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    <em>"Yes, Sherlock!", John spat out, maybe a bit more forcefully than he had meant to but Sherlock's endless deductions were making him crazy. "I get it, I'm angry. You're totally right and now you've proven again just how clever you are, happy?"</em>
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    <em>The detective gave him a weird look, then he continued as if John hadn't just interrupted him: "I furthermore deduce that I am the source of said anger, seeing as at it seems to increase when you look at me. However, it first started when we were at the crime scene, so no experiment then, clearly it must be something I've done or said there that put you off ... What was it?"</em>
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    <em>John had just meant to answer him when Sherlock went on: "Oh, wait, let me guess! It's about sentiment again, isn't it? That interview, with Mr. Hadley, I must have said something a little bit not good and - "</em>
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    <em>"A little bit not good, Sherlock? Are you serious?! That man, Sherlock, had just lost his wife and you pushed it away like it was nothing! You could have at least tried to be considerate of his feelings but no, you made it even worse! You told him how <em>happy<em> you were about it only because it was an interesting thrill for you! Do you even know how much you hurt him?"</em></em></em>
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        <em>John snorted angrily, while Sherlock leaned back on the sofa, stretching his legs and looking at the doctor with an intense stare. "Ah, there lies the problem. Pathetic, John. You know very well that it won't help if I care for their miserable fates or not, we've discussed this", he let out an annoyed huff, "My job is it to solve their cases and that's exactly what I just did. What do you expect from me? That I sit down with Mr. Hadley to mourn for the loss of his wife with him? I'm sure that would've helped me to solve the case <em>much<em> faster, thank you!"</em></em></em>
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            <em>"No", John relied, eager to not let his flatmate win this discussion as he normally did, "but you could at the minimum have been more sensitive about it! His wife just died, bloody hell! The one person thet meant the world to him! And now this person is dead and no matter what, he can never have her back! He even had to witness her murder, Sherlock, and you don't even <em>care<em> about that in the slightest! How, Sherlock? How? How can you just ignore that? How can you in all honesty <em>thank him<em> for the 'interesting murder'?</em></em></em></em></em>
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                    <em>Panting heavily John rested his hands upon the armrest of his chair. Sherlock sat in complete silence, not even moving a single muscle, sensing that John had even more to say. The ex army doctor shook his head with tired eyes, enervation leaking from every fiber of his being. </em>
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                    <em>"But of course!" He almost sounded as if he would just give up and walk to his room, but then he continued: "Why am I even wondering? How could <em>you<em> know, Sherlock? How could <em>you<em> care for him if you can't <em>understand<em> his pain? How could <em>you<em> know what it feels like? You ... you have never even been in love! How could I expect you to understand? All you know is how to <em>insult<em> people, why would you know how it feels like to have someone <em>important<em> to you!"</em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em>
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                                            <em>For a moment, the room fell into complete tranquility, except for John's raggedy breathing. </em>
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                                            <em>Sherlock's voice was faint, almost impossible to hear. Not more than a breath of wind in the steaming evening heat of the flat, but it sounded so incredibly <em>hurt<em>, so unexpectantly <em>sad<em>, that John, just for a moment, forgot everything he wanted to say.</em></em></em></em></em>
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                                                    <em>"I said", Sherlock repeated through clenching teeth, "is that really what you think of me?"</em>
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                                                    <em>During John's little speech he had turned his head to face the floor but now he looked up again, locking his eyes with John's. The two gems just veiled by disregard were now glittering with tears, the skin around them puffy and red. Salty teardrops were running down his face and into his slightly opened mouth.</em>
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                                                    <em>John could do nothing but stare at him in shock. He had never seen the man openly crying like that before. In fact, he had never really seen him crying at all. It was something Sherlock just never did, except maybe for a case. Watching his shoulders as they shaked, it almost felt maniacally and the thought that he was the reason for it made John sick. Sherlock's nervous gaze darted across the room, trying to hide his outburst from John but it was too late.</em>
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                                                    <em>"Sherlock ... Are you ... Are you <em>crying<em>?", the shorter man asked carefully and immediately scolded himself in his mind for stating something that was so painfully obvious. The immense anger he had felt just bare minutes ago had vanished completely.</em></em></em>
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                                                        <em>All at once Sherlock jumped up from the sofa and tigered through the living room. Within seconds he had reached for his scarf and coat and turned back to John. A bewildered look crossed his face. He looked like he just wanted to escape.</em>
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                                                        <em>"Brilliant deduction, John!", he spat out. "Why do you ask? You already made your opinion perfectly clear to me. Why would you care? I thought ... <em>I thought you were ...<em> different ..." Insecure eyes scampered to the ground. </em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>"Of course not, nobody does. Nobody ever understands. I mean, I'm me after all", he let out an ironic chuckle, "Sherlock Holmes. Highfunctioning sociopath. Freak. <em>'Incapable'<em> of feelings, <em>'incapable'<em> of love. Isn't that what you think of me?"</em></em></em></em></em>
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                                        <em>
                                          <em>
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                                                            <em>
                                                            <em>John felt taken aback. He tried to open his mouth, desperatly tried to tell Sherlock that no, that wasn't at all how he saw him, but not a single sound escaped his lips. He knew his best friend didn't like to show his emotions in front of others and while it made him incredibly mad how Sherlock would talk to clients sometimes, he'd never questioned that deep down, in his heart, he cared.</em>
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<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
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                                                            <em>
                                                            <em>Of course Sherlock had feelings.<br/>
Of course he was capable of emotions.<br/>
Of course he was capable of love.</em>
                                                            </em>
                                                            </em>
                                                            </em>
                                                            </em>
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  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
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                  <em>
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                                                            <em>
                                                            <em>Sociopath or not, he was still human. Even more so than any other person John knew. He couldn't understand how someone could see him in a different way. How nobody seemed to see Sherlock as the person he was underneath all this cold exterior, the intelligence and wit. How could he be the only one to really notice who his best friend truly was, to see not only his great brain, but also his heart?</em>
                                                            </em>
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<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
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                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
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                                                            <em>
                                                            <em>
                                                            <em>Just why did he always hide it? Hide himself, lock everything away, even from John? How could he conceal all his emotions so well when they were what made him human? Because weren't emotions all it was about, being human?</em>
                                                            </em>
                                                            </em>
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                                                            <em>Still, he couldn't say something, only watch as his flatmate quietly stared at the floor, tears running down his face, for what felt like an eternity to both of them.</em>
                                                            </em>
                                                            </em>
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                                                            <em>Finally, John managed to stutter some words that vaguely sounded like "Sherlock ... I ... But ... ", before he fell silent again.</em>
                                                            </em>
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                                                            <em>"NO! Just stop it, <em>stop<em> it, John! You're all the same. You all <em>think<em> the same. Simply because I choose not to let sentiment cloud my deductions, does that make me some kind of heartless machine? What I do is saving people's lives, now tell me, what do you think would help them more? Me crying, or me trying to catch the responsible criminal? And I thought that you'd be different! I thought that maybe ... that you'd maybe ... maybe you'd see and ... understand."</em></em></em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>He swallowed hard before looking up again.<br/>
"But I'm not the one you see in me, John. I never could be that person."</em>
                                                            </em>
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                                                            <em>With that he tried to storm out of the flat, but John was faster. Finally being able to move again he caught hold of him just in time and pulled him back.</em>
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                                                            <em>
                                                            <em>"I ... Sherlock, look, I'm sorry. Oh god, I am so, so sorry. I wasn't trying to ... I just, I was so angry about how you behaved on the case, how you never let anyone see what you're feeling but I never thought that you - "</em>
                                                            </em>
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                                                            <em>
                                                            <em>"What? That I have my reasons not to? Well, now you know", he hissed before he broke away from John's grip and rushed off. As he ran down the stairs he hesitated for a moment and without thinking, John jumped into action. He quickly moved towards Sherlock, wanting to apologize, to explain, but as he, again, found himself at a loss of words, he carefully wrapped his arms around the detective and pulled him in a tight hug.</em>
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                                                            <em>Completely perplexed Sherlock put his hands on John's back and pulled him closer. "I'm really sorry, you know", he heard the smaller man whisper. For a while he relaxed into the embrace, silently sobbing into his friend's strong arms, resting his head on John's good shoulder. His mind entirely blank, though, being hugged by John, he failed to be alarmed by it.</em>
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                                                            <em>After a few minutes John could feel fingers almost painfully trying to find a hold in his arms but he was reluctant to say anything and ruin the moment. Cautiously they seperated again, looking deeply into each other's eyes.</em>
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                                                            <em>"I meant it", the doctor murmured. "I'm sorry, Sherlock. For everything. I didn't mean to yell at you, and certainly not to hurt you. I know you're capable of emotions, believe me. Of course you are. It's just, you almost never show them and at the crime scene that was just ... , it felt like as if you didn't care about others at all. But I know that's not true and it ... it makes me angry because I ... I just don't understand how you can ... how you can simply act is if it wouldn't bother you. Because Sherlock, your feelings ... they are a part of you, you know? They don't make you weak, or a freak, or anything like that, they ... they're what makes you human."</em>
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                                                            <em>He trailed off, feeling like a total coward. He never had been good with words and voicing his thoughts and what he had said had been difficult enough for him, even though he wanted to say so much more. He hoped his eyes could show Sherlock what he couldn't tell him with his words.</em>
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                                                            <em>Gently, he put a hand on Sherlock's cheek and wiped away his tears. Embarrassed, the tall man looked to the side and whispered a simple "thank you", so faint that John was only able to hear it because he stood right in front of him. After the detective had somewhat calmed down, he turned his head back again and mumbled softly, though there was a touch of pain in his voice: "Just so that you know, John, I ... I <em>do<em> understand. I ... there <em>is<em> someone important to me, someone I ... someone I love, and let me tell you this: it hurts like hell!"</em></em></em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>John felt his heart beating faster in his chest. <em>'Molly'<em>, he told himself. <em>'He's talking about Molly. Or Irene.'<em> Still, he couldn't help himself, hoping Sherlock would mean him and not some pretty woman. By now, he had long given up on denying the love he felt for his flatmate, but he had always been sure Sherlock didn't feel that way towards anyone. Now, hearing that he actually was in love, ... John knew it was hopeless but he couldn't stop the exciting flutter in his stomach and the nervous wheeze that left his mouth.</em></em></em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>They were still so close that they could feel each other's breath on their faces and John couldn't bring himself to move away, even though some part of his mind tried to tell him that that was the decent thing to do, totally lost in Sherlock's gaze. Sherlock's eyes nervously fluttered to John's lips, and though it was probably just a coincidence, he found himself licking them before he remembered what his best friend had just told him and that he was presumably waiting for his reaction.</em>
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                                                            <em>"Why that?", he mumbled.</em>
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                                                            <em>But Sherlock remained silent, decidedly ignoring the question. How could he have told him, that it was hell to love a person so much, while at the same time knowing that said person would never love you back? How could he have told John, without making a terrible mistake, and voicing his thoughts, knowing that they would be unrequited? How could he tell John what he had kept locked up in his heart for all these years, without destroying everything they had, without ruining their friendship? No, he couldn't say anything.</em>
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                                                            <em>Noticing his discomfort the other man softly asked: "Can I ... can I know <em>who<em> it is?", unsure whether he had crossed an invisible line with the question or not. Instantly, Sherlock's body tensed up and his eyes widened in shock.</em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>"I ... prefer ... better not."</em>
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                                                            <em>"Okay", John nodded understandingly. He would never force Sherlock to tell him something he didn't want him to know. Still, looking into his eyes, he could see a sadness hidden in the depths of the beautiful blue and right there, right then, he made a decicion. He had to tell Sherlock. Even if it was a risk, he could no longer bare to be trapped in the unknown.</em>
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                                                            <em>"I think I know who you mean", he said gingerly. He felt his cheeks getting warmer. <em>'If it's someone else I can still say I knew so'<em>, he thought, but he knew he had already made his decicion, and he wouldn't change his mind now. Sherlock deserved to know how he felt, even if it would hurt John himself. </em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>But could he really risk their friendship for his gut feeling? Could he risk loosing Sherlock because his brain wanted him to think that maybe, just maybe, his feelings could be reciprocated?</em>
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                                                            <em>"I hardly think so", his though process was interrupted by the deep rumble of Sherlock's voice. <em>'No'<em>, he told himself, <em>'No more hiding. No more lies. I need to tell him.'<em> Collecting all his courage he reached up.</em></em></em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>Sherlock suddenly felt a warm hand gently touching his chin and pulling his face closer. By now, not even a piece of paper would have fit between the two.</em>
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                                                            <em>"What ... what do you think you're doing, John?", he stammered. But John, <em>wonderful, wonderful John<em>, only grinned slightly - his eyes glittering like two bright stars in a dark winter night - before he slowly leaned forward and fixated the most beautiful pair of lips he had ever seen.</em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>"Checking my theory", was all he could manage to whisper and then, closing his eyes, he finally, and oh so tenderly, pressed his lips on Sherlock's.</em>
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                                                            <em>After Sherlock had overcome his initial shock, he returned the kiss timidly. It was <em>perfect.<em> John's lips were warm and soft against his own and he found himself leaning into the kiss. John's hand felt reassuring on his back. It was so different from what he'd always imagined a kiss to be. So <em>gentle.<em> So <em>loving.<em> So <em>John.<em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>John's lips on his own, their breathes mingled as he opened his mouth just wide enough to feel the tip of John's tongie, sending electric waves through his body. He tried to remember everything, to catalogue every single detail and forever store it in the John wing of his mind palace, but it felt too good and he couldn't think about anything but John. </em>
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                                                            <em>John<em> was here.<br/>
<em>John<em> was holding him.<br/>
<em>John<em> was kissing him.</em></em></em></em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>The kiss deepened, both of them desperate to taste and feel the other as much as they could. Sherlock carefully put a hand around John's waist and drew him even closer, so that their whole bodies were pressed together, as John's other hand found it's way into Sherlock's hair, teasingly tucking at his soft curls.</em>
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                                                            <em>Both of them tried to pour all their unspoken feelings into the kiss, but since they eventually had to breathe again at some point, they reluctantly let go of each other. <em>'Breathing'<em>, Sherlock thought, was indeed boring and dull, now that he could be kissing John instead. Panting as if they'd just ran after a criminal together, they stood nose to nose, trying to understand, to process what had just happened.</em></em></em>
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                                                            <em>John smiled sheepishly and Sherlock returned his smile almost shy.</em>
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                                                            <em>"I, John, I ... I'm really not good at this, saying such things, but that ... that was ... good. Bloody fantastic, to be honest."</em>
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                                                            <em>John snickered lovingly, murmuring something along the lines of "God, I ... Sherlock". Then he licked his lips and, hiding his blushing face in Sherlock's warm arms, he confessed: "Oh god, Sherlock, I'm so totally in love with you."</em>
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                                                            <em>"Obviously."</em>
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                                                            <em>Letting out a small laugh, John felt truly home. "Insufferable git!", he scolded affectionately and in Sherlock's ears it sounded like the best compliment he had ever got, his soulmate's cobalt blue eyes shining with love. The tear tracks on his cheeks were still clearly visible but his whole demeanor had changed.</em>
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                                                            <em>Not even trying to hold back the relieved sound he made, he cupped John's face in his hands.</em>
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                                                            <em>"And I love you", he breathed brightly before kissing him again and again and again, standing in the middle of the stairway, feeling like the happiest man on earth.</em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! If so, I'd be very happy if you'd leave a kudo or a little comment to let me know. Feedback is always welcome! This is my first fanfiction that I'll upload and seeing that I'm not a native english speaker, I hope my english was okay. 😊</p></blockquote></div></div>
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